Quarrel not

Quarreling, it’s the heart of culture in the workplace, at the water cooler, in public and politics, and of course, the essence of social media.

Anyone who takes a breather from the frenetic pace of life today can step back and see this divisive mindset at work. Quarreling keeps people, who have not learned the skills of connecting amicably with others, engaged in a daily lifestyle that ultimately does them, and others harm.

So how does a believer handle this bickering world and still reach others?

2 Timothy 2:22-23 (KJV) – “22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.”

The NIV translation refers to “strifes” as “quarrels.”

You’ll stand out from the snippy-minded crowd. Your way of living life will be an invitation for curious inquiry.

2 Timothy 2:24 (KJV) – “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.”

And you can deliver something nothing in this quarreling world can even suggest.

2 Timothy 2:25 (KJV) – “In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure (perhaps) will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth.”

As verse 26 goes on to explain, the truth – the Gospel of salvation through Jesus – will free people from the “snare of the devil,” the noose that has entrapped them from all the quarreling.

Now, disciple, don’t take the bait the next time someone tries to rope you into an argument. Smile, walk away, and when things settle down – when that opportunity to talk arises – be gentle, be patient and teach them something they long for to escape the quarrels swirling all around them.

3 Questions for now

People all around us are quick to offer their opinions and then argue away, often over nothing.

One of the best ways to diffuse a quarrelsome situation is with calm responses in the form of questions. This turns the argument into more of a conversation.

And then we can ask some questions that can lead us to why people are so argumentative – they’re searching for something more.

Here are questions that could help change the point of conversation:

• What do you think is the best way to treat others?

• What do you value most in the people close to you?

• What does "living your best life" mean to you?

Work your questions so you can expose the best answer to any argument and reveal the true answer to life’s concerns – Jesus.

Be kind. Love them. Be bold.

Shawn’s noodling rant:

(“Noodling” is a term I swiped from my mentor. The meaning is to “ponder” or “think deeply about” a topic that God is challenging us with through scripture or the Holy Spirit, or both.)

Patience negates love of arguing

I love to argue. I mean, I love it.

It’s in my genes or something. Maybe that’s why journalism comes so easy to me – it’s a constant state of searching out the argument and then, well, arguing about the subject.

And I confess, I’m not proud of it. It’s a weakness on my part, and I try hard each day in many instances to keep my mouth shut.

And my wife encourages me often to do the same.

What I’ve learned over the past few years in the world of sales, and journalism, is that listening to others leads to a better understanding of the person and thus a better relationship with them. A relationship can be built in a short time just by being a good listener, not a great orator.

We don’t have to know it all or be right all the time. Just listening is a great way to learn and get to know people. And it’s a skill anyone can develop.

Like anything in our journey toward maturity in our faith in Christ, change toward the skill of listening can be a slow transformation.

For someone like me where time is of the essence, patience isn’t a virtue in the daily grind, and there’s always another deadline looming, slow change is difficult. But it’s part of “growing up” in the faith.

Can anyone else relate in their world?

Arguing, or quarreling, which is so much a part of our society today in every aspect is about gaining an advantage over the other person – showing them that you’re right, they are not. Sometimes beating them down verbally.

And, like any fight, even if you win you will feel icky inside, empty and there will be pain.

Jesus speaks to us about this. (Sometimes it feels like when my mom would pop me upside the head and say, “Listen to me, let me tell you again.”)

As mentioned before, 2 Timothy 2:24 (KJV) – “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.”

Some may argue with this next verse that I’ve taken it out of context. But I’ll submit (not argue) that it helps when you’re faced with sticking to the plan of patience when others are arguing against what you’re saying or outright berating you.

In the NIV translation, the verse speaks about “standing firm” in the faith, even after those you love or care about have turned against you.

In the KJV, the wording is an anchor for me.

Luke 21:19 (KJV) – “In your patience possess ye your souls.”

Either way you read it, patience helps us stand fast in our faith and live our lives among others in a way that moves us toward maturity in Christ and the everlasting love He delivers.

Now, disciple, I pray that the next time an opening arises to jump into an argument that I, and you, take a breath, apply some patience, and listen so we can hear the true reason someone is verbally lashing out.

Then be gentle, apt to share Jesus.